These are true wedding stories that are interesting enough to be told again.  Some are comical, happy, funny, sad, and well, you decide.  The names and locations have been changed to protect the innocent and the guilty.  Actually the guilty need more protection than the innocent.

1. Never trust your friends to pick a “secret” reading for your wedding ceremony.  You should pick every word of your ceremony.

It’s always best to pick every word of your ceremony.  Once upon a wedding two of the Bride’s girlfriends each said they would do a surprise reading.  Judge Armstrong always likes to include the words of each reading in the ceremony, but this time he was only asked to introduce each reader.  It was an outside wedding and a perfect summer day.  Grandmas and Grandpas, and Parents, Uncles, Aunts, and all the other relatives and friends, old and young, were there to celebrate.

The first reading was just before the Vows.  It was a short poem entitled “We’ve Done It.”  Here is a rough sketch of a few of the lines.

Our clothes in piles on the floor
Sitting together on the edge of the bed
We’ve done it

My bare breast against your arm
Our sweaty bodies pressed together
We’ve done it

Etc. etc. etc. – you get the idea.

The second reading was after the Exchange of Rings.  It was about an older couple sitting together outside.  A fly lands on their table.  The wife hands her husband a fly swatter and says to the husband:

“Get the son of a b—-.”

The two young ladies thought all this was funny – a great joke.  The Bride was not happy.  It was the only time that “son of a b—-” was a line in one of Judge Armstrong’s wedding ceremonies.

Pick every word of your ceremony – and every word of each reading – unless you really, really trust the reader.

2. The Groom who ran away.

It was a backyard wedding on a beautiful summer’s day.  The Groom and Judge were at the front and the guests were all seated on chairs.  The processional music was playing and the first bridesmaid was coming down the grassy aisle.  Suddenly the Groom took off running, going around a hedge, out of sight, into a neighbor’s yard.  The guests gasped, the bridesmaid stopped, the music fell silent.  The Judge, Ken Maas, was dumbfounded.  This had never happened before.

Then, back around the hedge, came the Groom.  The Bride’s Father had him by the collar with one hand – and in his other hand was a shotgun – painted white.

The crowd roared with laughter and the ceremony continued on.  Only the Groom and his future Father-in-Law had been in on this well planned stunt.

3. The Wedding Ceremony with No Bride and No Groom.

This is one of the best wedding stories.  Paula Pettis, and the Baroque Trio, have performed at a wedding with no Bride and No Groom.  The strangest stories can sometimes be logical, if you know all the facts.

A couple days before the wedding, the Bride and Groom went out to dinner at a nice restaurant.  They got food poisoning and were both hospitalized.  On the day of their wedding they were still too sick to be released.  Their minister came to the hospital and married them there.

Now what do you do?  The reception was at the church, the food was ordered, the flowers were coming, the Bridesmaids had their dresses and the Groomsmen had their tuxedos.  So why not have a wedding?

Paula and the Baroque Trio found out when they got to the church.  Except for immediate family, none of the guests were aware of the situation.  The wedding went on with a processional, the Minister explained the situation and then went through the ceremony wording without the Bride and Groom.  The musicians played, as they would have for a “real” wedding.

Then the reception proceeded without the two most important guests.  It was a good decision – why stop the party just because the Bride and Groom don’t show up?  Did they think it was all about them?

4. Who gives this woman in marriage?
The Father of the Bride sometimes has a line to speak.  Who gives this woman in marriage to this man?  There are many answers.

“Her Mother and I do.”

“No one gives this girl away, for she has a mind and heart of her own.  But I do give my blessing, hopes, and prayers for their future together.”

Minnesota Response: “I do, Yah sure, you betcha.”

But at one wedding the Bride’s Father added his own words.

“I do.  No refunds, no returns.”

The Bride had not inherited her Father’s sense of humor and was not happy – luckily Judge Armstrong was the only one who could see her face and she quickly got over it.

5. The Motorcycle Wedding
A couple who were members of a motorcycle club – okay – maybe a gang, decided to involve the whole group in their ceremony.  It was in an open field.  The Judge, Bride, Groom, Best Man and Maid of Honor stood in the center of a circle of about 100 motorcycles.  All was quiet as the vows were spoken and then the rings exchanged.  With the pronouncement and kiss, all 100 engines started and a deafening roar commenced.  The Groom and Bride got on their motorcycle and rode off together into eternal bliss – with the guests behind them.

6. The Lost Wedding Rings

“Our rings are safe and they’re in this house, but we can’t find them.”  With these words Judge Armstrong was greeted by the Bride at the front door.  It was a winter wedding at the couples’ home.  The Bride had put the rings in a safe place and then forgot where they were.  They had searched everywhere – to no avail.  Since an exchange of rings isn’t legally required for a marriage, the wedding was performed with no Ring Exchange.  Hopefully the rings turned up on a later day.

7. The Stolen Wedding Rings
The Bride and Groom decided to take some pictures in a park in Minneapolis.  The two boxes with the rings were left on the front seat of their car.  Somehow the door wasn’t locked.  When Judge Armstrong got to the wedding and reception site, he noticed a police car parked out front.  The officer was taking the report of the theft.

But fear not, the ceremony went on with rings borrowed from relatives.  The guests were none the wiser.  It takes a pretty heartless thief to steal wedding rings when the Bride, in her white dress, was easily visible in the park a few hundred feet away.

8. The “Where is the Ring?” Gag.

Groomsmen have pulled this stunt at several weddings where Tom Armstrong officiated.  The Judge looks at the Best Man to pass the Bride’s ring, the Best Man searches his pockets and can’t find it.  Then he turns to the next Groomsman, who goes through the same motions.  Finally the last Groomsman, after initially not finding the ring, discovers it in his pocket.

9. The Cracker Jacks Box

This is a variation of the “Where is the Ring?” detailed above.  The last Groomsman has an empty Cracker Jacks Box in his pocket – he pulls it out – shakes it – and finds the Bride’s ring in the box.  Then the ring is passed forward to the Best Man.

There are many more wedding stories to be added as this website expands.  If you have a good story, e-mail it to Judge Tom Armstrong.

 

 

 

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